When the one person in your life - the main person - the one you love so much it hurts - when that person is in danger - in jeopardy - unhappy - sick -
- all the joy goes out of everything you do - everything you see - you eat without tasting - your laugh is empty - your smile is just a position you arrange with your lips - your eyes lose focus - your stomach churns unrelentingly.
The things you wanted that would make you happy don't.
Why is this?
It is so because nothing is anything if not shared. Your joy needs a witness. Without the participation of your loved one there is no joy.
This is the meaning of life. To love and be loved is all that matters. It is the simplest truth.
We laugh together.
We cry alone.
An artist paints a picture to be seen. A singer sings a song to be heard. The painting, the song has no value otherwise.
Love only exists when it is given as well as accepted. True love is the equalizer.
This is why we ache when our loved one aches.
Life is a hellish solitary confinement when bad things happen to your one true love.
A hollow stomach - a band of ache grips the head - future scenarios are grim - you tingle with fear - your sleep is muddled - you awake only to be greeted with the familiar devastation....
This is now your life.
But because you have a life- the inevitable glimmer of hope appears.
It's a new day even with the old baggage and your love is still your love.
Don't you hate it when people say to you "Don't worry" - as if on their command you just stop - it's instant - you stop worrying - NOT!
It's like asking someone not to think about elephants. And, of course, all you can think of from that point on is ELEPHANTS.
Rather than tell me not to worry, try listening - or not.
Offer realistic solutions - or not.
Be sympathetic - or not.
JUST DO NOT TELL ME I SHOULDN'T WORRY.
Another thing - don't top my worry with your worry. It doesn't help. You are attempting to relate somehow - I know - but it's transparent and a tad selfish. Do not rob me of my misery. Let me own it - chew it and spit it out.
Help me if I ask for it. Don't say "If you need anything, do not hesitate to call me" then not be reachable. It's like saying "Let's do lunch sometime."
Look, I believe that worrying is unavoidable in life. I also believe it is to some extent necessary and healthy. It is also very motivating and it will lead you out of your worry. You will discover an answer - a way to fix things that will delete your worry.
That is, if you are sane...............otherwise all bets are off.
There has been much to worry about, lately. But, you know, time does heal everything. You look back at the drama and sigh with great relief that it's over. Of, course, there are always plenty of replacement worries lined up and waiting for your consideration. So, you take them one by one checking them off as new ones arrive.
It's called life. I am thankful for my worries. It means I'm alive and kicking at misfortune - enjoying the victories more than the lost battles to be sure - but fighting always - always for a clear lucid life. Is there any other way to be?
And those victorious moments are worth the battles.
It's just right now, my worry list is all too real. One item gets checked off only to be replaced by another. Truly, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING!
Next.............................
It has been the WINTER FROM HELL or, perhaps the WINTER IN HELL However you see it, it has been traumatic and it ain't over yet!
I, like many, have suffered ice dam roofs, water seepage, dangerous roads and ultra-freezing temps and that lovely thing called WIND CHILL. Snow days and cancelled appointments, changed plans and cabin fever became common.
Gloves and scarves, hats and boots leave the world of fashion to become annoying necessities.
Icy roads and white-outs are threatening gestures that bully you day by day.
Damages.
Add to this - gas leaks, malfunctions of all sorts from garage doors to ovens and clothes dryers - throw in a little vandalism and you have the meanest winter on record - my record.
Damages
Health issues and challenges become more dire as the thermometer plunges.
Damages
2015 is a monster so far.
The sun is a stranger. Birds are absent. White is everywhere - blindingly so.
Spring will be a little late this year.
